“Real transformation takes a lifetime, and that is why we have a lifetime.”
—Rabbi Dov Ber Pinson
I am sitting in my back garden with a man made fountain/waterfall going. I am grateful for the sound of the birds, the rustling of the tree leaves, the sound of the water falling down the path, and beauty surrounding me. The reality of this garden is not only beauty, but an ongoing cycle of life.
As I sit here, I can see two bushes that are dying because they could not handle being transplanted to a different flower bed. I also can see the blooms that have matured and died on the butterfly bushes. There are the hydrangeas that are recovering from extraordinary heat having now been watered. There is the abundance of basil and growing oregano as well as different kinds of fragrant mint. I sit here struck by the life cycles that I am witnessing.
I am grateful for this scene in which I can live. Today I received a phone call that was not unexpected but still took my breath away. You see, my Mom is in the process of dying. Forgive me if this feels abrupt and rattling. My Mom has lived for 84 years and 9 months. We have known she was nearing the end of her life but the grief is still near.
In my earlier life as a Christian, I would think about the scripture of John 10 about having life more abundantly. Honestly, that feels thin compared to the cycles of life surrounding me in this backyard. I am not saying that God does not give abundance but I am saying the depth and breadth of loss feels more abundant. I am grateful for grief as we became old friends about three years ago. Grief gives assent to sadness and permission to see the full cycle of life. As I sit here, the mint reminds me of the mint jelly my Mom made for us as young children. There are so many memories; some sweet and some sad because a full life has both. I leave you with the quote above and my gratefulness for my Mom’s lifetime of transformation. In the end, all she could do was hold my hand in hers and say, “I love you.” I hope to grow into a child who says such wise things just like my Mom.
-Dianne Morgan