I have begun to listen to Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen. As tiresome as so many things have become, I find myself focused on this term: Beloved. It is like so many other terms I wish were more than paper snowflakes or a roaring fire in a fireplace projected from a computer screen. Without dimensional depth, flat, it is just a word I type. There are other words like it that I struggle in knowing like belonging. 

I look at Henri Nouwen and see a man who struggled at first with the community in which he was placed to lead and care. It was a community of special folks with special needs. Instead, it seems the community taught him how to spiritually lead beyond his training. He found new, meaningful dimensions to his service because of his unexpected experiences. For example, finding ways to connect even when the other could only offer a smile. (I wonder at how much I expect the world to reshape itself for me rather than allowing others’ needs to grow another depth in me.)

This reminds me of “surrender”, another word that has dimensions I am growing in understanding. I had a long conversation with some friends about “surrender”. I have experienced the freedom and peace when I have surrendered but I cannot seem to make it happen. Surrender eludes when I am trying to make it happen. Therein lies the rub. If I am trying to force myself to surrender, I am working against the very nature of surrender. So, here I am...waiting for all to be revealed like some magic trick...do this...do that...hold your head a certain way and viola! Surrender happens??? Ugh.

During this season of Lent in which we get to recognize our humanity in deep ways and without toxic shame. I am putting myself in a learning stance so that I can more fully embrace belovedness within my humanity. I hope to share the dimensions of being beloved through unpacking Henri Nouwen’s words so filled with rich meanings born from his experiences. I hope you will join me in this pursuit of belovedness.

Next week? A beginning characteristic to being the beloved.

Much love to you all!

--Dianne